The Secret Life of Brian
by DecaTilde
Summary: This is a what if fanfic that takes place during FG1206-FG1208, answering a question about what the episodes would be like if Brian never died at all. TITLE UPDATED.
1. A Call From Dylan

_The Secret Life of Brian_

by LDEJRuff

* * *

Author's Note: On Saturday, July 20, 2013, during the _Family Guy_ panel at the Comic-Con convention, Steve Callaghan dropped a bombshell; that a member in the Griffin family would be killed off in a special episode. On Sunday, November 24, 2013, that family member was the family dog, Brian, in the sixth episode of the show's twelfth season, "Life of Brian". A lot of fans were heartbroken when this unthinkable event happened. But what if Brian _hadn't_ died at all? Well, this fanfic would explain...

* * *

Chapter 1 - A Call From Dylan

* * *

It all started on the day Stewie and Brian returned from their Jamestown incident. Brian was in the living room watching TV when he noticed Stewie coming down the stairs.

"Hey, where are you going?" Brian asked.

Stewie answered, "I'm going to the hardware store to pick up a few things. There's something I have to do tonight."

"You need me to take you there?" Brian asked.

"No, thank you," Stewie answered. "I can go there myself."

"How?"

"With _this_ ," Stewie replied, revealing a teleportation watch he built. "I can get there instantly using this teleporter watch."

"Oh," Brian simply said. "Well, be careful."

After Brian had finished, Stewie activated the watch and disappeared in a flash.

Suddenly, Brian's cell phone started vibrating. Brian picked it up and was surprised to see who was calling.

"Dylan?"

Brian tapped the answer button and pressed the phone to his ear.

"Hey, Dylan," Brian began. "What's up?"

"Hey, Dad," Dylan replied on the other line, rather sounding depressed. "It's been a while since we saw each other. I'm afraid I have some depressing news. It's Mom. She disappeared."

Brian's eyes widened. "Disappeared?" Brian repeated. "But how?"

"She just left home one day to go shopping, but she hasn't returned. I fear that she might have been attacked and killed, or she could be missing. Not even the police could find her."

"So, she's pretty much lost?"

"Yeah. And I can't go to work without a parent or guardian driving me there."

"Work?"

"I got a job as a TV star for Disney Channel. They're doing a show called _Parent Boppers_ , and I'm a star of the show."

Brian sighed. "I'll be there, Dylan."

"Thanks, Dad," Dylan said, happily. "You won't regret this. See you soon."

After Dylan hung up, Brian's expression changed to that of worry.

"I can't believe it," he said. "Tracy disappeared? Oh, what am I gonna do? What should I tell the Griffins?"

 **Cutaway:** We see the entire family in the living room. The human family members wore shocked expressions while Brian was carrying a suitcase.

"You're leaving to take care of Dylan?" Peter said.

"But Brian, you _can't_ leave," Lois shrugged. "You're our family dog."

"I know," Brian replied. "But Dylan needs me a lot more than any of _you_ do."

"What are we going to do without you Brian?" Chris asked.

"Well," Brian answered, "the least you _could_ do is find a new family dog."

"A new family dog?" Stewie repeated. "I don't know if that's such a good idea. Remember New Brian? He committed suicide."

"Trust me, it's for the best," Brian assured.

Back to reality. Brian shook his head.

"No, it's too easy," he said. "Wait, I know."

Suddenly, an idea popped into his head.

* * *

Author's Note: Part of this cutaway is a callback to FG0705 - "The Man with Two Brians".


	2. Brian's Plan Goes Into Motion

_The Secret Life of Brian_

by LDEJRuff

Chapter 2 - Brian's Plan Goes Into Motion

* * *

Brian quickly rushed upstairs to Stewie's bedroom. As soon as he entered, he quickly eyed Stewie's crib.

"Okay," he said, paw under chin. "If I remember correctly from our trip to Las Vegas, Stewie's crib also doubles as a transporter, and triples as a cloning machine."

With that, Brian pressed a button on the wall near the crib, and a small door opened revealing a key pad. He then pressed a few keys on the pad, and the crib instantly transformed into a machine with a ray over a pad. He typed the coordinates on the attached computer and got on the pad, which lit up under him. The ray activated, zapping Brian. After the zapping was done, he just stood there. The computer showed a loading screen.

"Now, I need to know why the machine made clones of me and Stewie before," he said before looking at the computer screen. "Oh, now I see it."

When the loading screen got to 100%, Brian then heard his own voice coming from the living room.

"Yes! I'm back in the living room!"

"All right," Brian whispered. "My clone made it to the living room."

Just then, a screen split effect showed Brian's clone in the living room on the right side, and Brian himself in Stewie's bedroom on the left.

"I hope this plan of mine works," both Brians said. "Stewie'll be pissed if he found out I used his machine." With that, their expressions changed to those of fear.

Brian then pressed a few keys on the key pad, which turned the machine back into Stewie's crib. Afterwards, he then pressed the button that closed the small door that hid the keypad, and went downstairs to see his clone.

"Hey," Clone Brian greeted. "You must be the original me."

"Nice to see you," Brian greeted back. "Okay, you know what to do, Clone Brian. Whatever you do, don't let Stewie or any of the family know that you're a clone of me."

"Got it," Clone Brian nodded. "Anyway, what are _you_ gonna do?"

"I'm going to see my son, Dylan, and take care of him, since we both know that Tracy disappeared."

"Well," Clone Brian sighed, "you be careful, original me."

"Thanks," Brian replied before giving his clone a hug and walking out the front door. He then looked behind himself and had a sad look on his face.

 _"I hope I know what I'm doing,"_ he thought to himself before walking off.

Back inside, while the clone was sitting on the couch, about to watch TV, Stewie appeared in a flash, carrying a tool box.

"So," Clone Brian said to Stewie, "how was the hardware store?"

"It was okay," Stewie said, unaware that his canine friend was actually a clone. "Anyway, I got the tools to take care of something."

"What is it?"

"You'll see."

With that, Stewie walked up to his bedroom.

 _"Little do you know, Stewie,"_ Clone Brian thought, _"that the Brian you're talking to is actually a clone, while the real Brian's away to take proper care of his son, Dylan."_

* * *

But the clone thought wrong. The real Brian was actually going to address an agent for a famous person.

"Excuse me," Brian said, getting the agent's attention. "Is it okay if I can talk to Justin for a minute, please? There's something that I have to take care of."

"You have an appointment?" the agent asked.

"What's going on?" Canadian-born pop star Justin Bieber asked, getting the agent's attention.

"This dog says he wants to talk to you," the agent asked.

"It's okay," Justin said, "he's probably a fan of my music."

"Well," Brian chuckled, "I wouldn't say 'fan' actually. I just like your music. Anyway, is it okay if I borrow your Benz for a few days? I promise I'll give it back to you in one piece."

"Sure, whatever," Justin shrugged, handing Brian the key to the Benz. "I have a concert to give tomorrow anyway, and I can take the tour bus. What do you need it for anyway?"

"Just to, you know, take it out for a spin. You know, like it's a rental from Enterprise."

"Oh. Well, just don't scratch it or anything."

"Thanks, Justin," Brian said, giving the pop star a hug, before walking off with the key.

* * *

The next day, Brian drove said Benz at a house in Spooner Street. Brian then looked at his phone. He had opened an app that played a live camera feed coming out of the Griffin house. On the feed was what appeared to be a hockey net.

"A hockey net?" Brian said. "What the hell, Clone Brian?"

 _"Okay, Brian,"_ Stewie's voice came from the feed. _"I'm just putting this out there but I'm a baby, and only dicks don't let babies win."_

 _"God, look at this day, huh?"_ Clone Brian's voice said, as he and Stewie were finally on the street. The camera had shown that it was pointing to the sky, then at Stewie, who was wearing a hockey helmet. _"_ _You know, usually, I'd be sitting inside writing, you'd be working on one of your machines, but here we are enjoying it."_

 _"Yes, it is a nice change of pace,"_ Stewie agreed before realizing something. _"Oh, wait. I got to go grab my knee pads. I was using them for...for...for this other thing. Anyway, I'll be right back."_

As Stewie ran off, the screen then shown the hockey net being put together.

When Brian started the car, the tires started screeching. He then caressed the car toward his unsuspecting clone, who was also wearing a hockey helmet.

 _"Brian, look out!"_ Stewie called, getting the clone's attention.

With a sad look on his face, Brian violently plowed the car on his clone, running him over. The car continued on, leaving the clone's mangled body lying on the street, with broken hockey stick pieces lying around him.

 _"I did it,"_ Brian thought to himself. _"I can't believe I actually did it."_

 _"Gaaaaah! Brian!"_ Stewie shouted.

Brian didn't want to stop the Benz. He just continued on until it made a curve a few blocks away. The Benz then stopped at another house. Brian then looked at his phone again.

 _"Oh, my God!"_ Lois' voice cried in panic. _"Brian! Brian, can you hear me?!"_

 _"Holy crap!"_ Peter's voice began, horrified. _"What the hell happened?!"_

The feed, though partially damaged, flicked a bit at the sound of a kick, followed by the sound of someone spitting on the camera.

 _"That guy sucked,"_ said another voice.

Brian looked behind himself.

 _"I'm really sorry, everyone,"_ he thought. _"But I believe it's time for all of you to move on."_

With that, he started the Benz again and drove away.


	3. Watching Nearby and Running Away

_The Secret Life of Brian_

by LDEJRuff

Chapter 3 - Watching Nearby and Running Away

* * *

A few minutes later, Brian stopped at the pet store and went inside to pick up a new tag for his collar.

"Is that all for you, Mr. Griffin?" the store clerk asked.

"Yes," Brian answered, "but from now on, I want to be addressed by 'Mr. Flannigan'. I have a son that lives not too far from here, and I want to take care of him. His mother disappeared recently, and he called me."

With that, Brian handed the clerk the tag so that it would be engraved with the name "Brian Flannigan" and Dylan's home address.

"Very well, Mr. Flannigan," said the clerk. "I'll have your tag ready in a few minutes. You can just sit and wait."

"Thank you."

While the clerk went to the engraving machine, Brian sat, looked at his phone and opened the live feed app. When the app opened, the phone had shown the veterinarian about to operate on his clone. He stopped suddenly upon seeing an unpleasant sight. He then sighed.

 _"Oh. What am I going to tell the Griffins?"_

He then turned to his nurse.

 _"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid there's nothing we can do for Brian in the condition he's in. I think it's time I'd tell the Griffins the sad news."_

With that, he went into the waiting room to tell the Griffins. Brian looked at the phone sadly.

"I'm sorry I had to do this to you," Brian whispered, "but I have to be with Dylan to make the Griffins understand."

When he finished, the phone had shown that the rest of the Griffin family went inside the operating room with sad looks on their faces. They had just been told about the injuries being too severe for "Brian" to be saved.

 _"Oh, my God,"_ Lois said after she and the rest of the family walked to the examining table. _"Brian, no."_

 _"I can't believe it,"_ Peter added. _"You're...you're really...?"_

A tearful Stewie approached the clone. Seeing Stewie's face almost started to make Brian shed tears as well.

 _"Dammit, Brian, you_ _can't_ _die,"_ Stewie begged. _"We were gonna do so many things together. We were gonna become windsurfers."_ When he heard this, Brian smiled sadly. _"I was gonna be a little better than you, but we were both gonna be good."_

A small grunt emitted from the clone, which made Lois gasp.

 _"You guys, I think...I think Brian's trying to say something!"_

 _"You've..."_ Clone Brian began, struggling, as the screen raised to show the still-crying Griffins. _"You've given me a wonderful life. I love you all."_

A few seconds more, and the screen lowered a bit when the flatline tone was heard. The clone had died. The veterinarian put a stethoscope over the clone to listen for a heartbeat.

 _"I'm sorry,"_ he said, turning to the Griffins sadly. _"He's gone."_

 _"Oh, my God,"_ Chris began. _"He's...?"_

 _"Yes, Chris,"_ Lois answered, voice breaking. _"I'm afraid...I'm afraid that our Brian is dead."_

The real Brian looked sadly as his now-former family members were saddened. Peter took Lois' hand. Chris put a hand on Meg's shoulder. Stewie shuddered with grief. As the family huddled around in a sad group hug, Brian also began to shed tears. The silence was then broken when the clerk got his attention.

"Mr. Flannigan, your tag's ready."

"Oh," Brian said, wiping his tears away. "Well, thanks."

* * *

The next day, after a stay at a hotel room and returning the Benz to Justin, Brian decided to get one last drink at the Drunken Clam.

"Well, speak of the devil," Jerome said, surprised to see Brian. "Peter told me that you were dead."

"I wasn't aware that you knew about the accident," Brian said. "Anyway, whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?"

Jerome chuckled. "I had a feeling you'd say that, Brian. Coming right up."

With that, Jerome started preparing Brian's martini.

"Oh," Glenn Quagmire said, noticing Brian coldly. "What are _you_ doing here? Thinking about getting out of here now that everyone thinks you're dead?"

Brian scoffed. "What do _you_ care, dog hater? My ex-girlfriend, Tracy Flannigan disappeared recently, and I'm running away from Quahog to take care of her son, Dylan."

"So, you're finally going to take care of the son you were never there for, huh?" Glenn repeated, crossing his arms.

"Yeah, and if you breathe a word about my still being alive to anyone in Quahog, including Peter, you're going to regret it," Brian quietly threatened.

"Your threats are as empty as your broken heart," Glenn replied. "I'd rather not tell anyone anyway. I'm happy that you're gone."

"You sound like you don't care," Brian replied.

"You're right, Brian, I _don't_. So why don't you just go on to that son of yours and live the rest of your life as a big sad alcoholic bore?"

With that, Glenn walked off.

"Remember, Glenn," Brian began, "not one word out of you."

Glenn scoffed and walked out the door.

"Boy," Jerome said, noticing the argument and handing Brian the martini. "You guys sure do have it rough with each other. I sometimes get into arguments with my daughter, Pam, but we find ways to mend the relationship."

Brian chuckled. "Thanks, Jerome. Promise to keep my still being alive a secret?"

"My lips are sealed, Brian," Jerome nodded.

"Good."

With that, Brian drank his martini.

"By the way, Brian, your funeral's being held two days from now. If you come, you should watch nearby."

"Thanks, Jerome, I'll take your advice."

* * *

As promised, on the day of his funeral, Brian _did_ take Jerome's advice. He recently got his Prius back after buying it at the used car dealership, and decided to watch the funeral from there.

"Thank you everyone for coming today," Lois said, beginning the funeral.

"None of you came to _my_ funeral!" Mayor Adam West shouted before walking off, fading away.

Brian chuckled quietly. "You never know when to quit giving jokes, do you, Mayor West?"

"I know Peter wanted to say a few words," Lois continued, allowing Peter to give a eulogy.

"Oh, boy," Peter sighed. "This is, um...This is probably the worst pain I ever had to go through, and I've sprained my ankle twice. Um, the truth is, Brian wasn't just my dog. He was my best friend in the whole world. He was smart, he was loyal, and, I guess what I'm trying to say is, he was like a brother to me." When he heard this, Brian started to look sad. "And," Peter continued, breaking down into tears, "I'm...I'm gonna spend the rest of my life missing him."

"We're _all_ gonna miss him, Peter," Lois said, consoling him. "We're all gonna miss him very much."

The attendees, including Brian's cousin, Jasper, and his spouse, Ricardo, his ex-girlfriend, Jillian Russel-Wilcox, Mr. John Herbert, the Tubbs-Brown family, who were visiting from Stoolbend, Virginia, at the time, Consuela, Dr. Elmer Hartman, Lois' parents, Carter and Barbara Pewterschmidt, Mort Goldman and his son, Neil, and Ida Davis, Glenn's genderbent father, started crying. However, the only one who wasn't crying, or paying attention to the funeral, was Glenn, watching a basketball game on his phone.

"Dammit, Ortiz," Glenn whispered. "Stop swinging at junk."

"Oh, Glenn," Brian quietly growled. "Still showing no sympathy for me, even being one of a few Quahogers who know I'm still alive."

As the casket lowered to the ground, Brian watched as Stewie laid one final rose to the casket.

"Oh, Stewie," Brian whispered. "You were always like a son to me. I know that saying goodbye can be hard right now. But I can't say it physically _to_ you. Well, thanks for taking me on some of your crazy adventures, kid. I'm sure that when you and your family _do_ get a new dog, you'll give to him or her what you gave me: a wonderful life. Goodbye, Stewie, and thank you."

With that, Brian silently started his Prius and drove away from the funeral, without anyone noticing, and didn't look back.


	4. I'm Home, Dylan

_The Secret Life of Brian_

by LDEJRuff

Chapter 4 - I'm Home, Dylan

* * *

Set to an instrumental of Simon and Garfunkel's "Sound of Silence", Brian drove his Prius to Providence. He began to look all around. There was the Performing Arts Center, where he could show his play, "A Passing Fancy". There was Roger Williams Park, where he could find some girls to date. There was the Swan Point Cemetery, where he could pay his respects to Tracy's father. There was the Childrens' Museum, where he could take Dylan to. There was RISD (the Rhode Island School of Design) where Seth MacFarlane, the show's creator, studied about animation.

Brian continued to look around Providence until he reached Manton Avenue, the street where Dylan was raised. Brian stopped at the Flannigan house there and knocked on the door, where he was greeted by a depressed Dylan. His expression quickly changed to that of surprise when he saw his canine father.

"I was beginning to wonder when you were going to show, Dad," he said.

Brian chuckled. "I'm home, Dylan, and I'm here to stay."

"But what about your family, the Griffins?" Dylan asked. "Won't they be worried about you?"

Brian shook his head. "They and the rest of Quahog think I'm dead. I faked my death so I could get to you."

"Dad, you really shouldn't have done that," Dylan shrugged. "But thanks. So, what have you been up to these days?"

"You have a lot of stories to catch up on, Dylan," Brian answered. "I can buy most of them on DVD."

"Really? Like, by season?"

Brian chuckled. "No, not by season."

* * *

Within a month's time, one day, Brian took Dylan to Roger Williams Park for a little father-son outing. This was the first time in a while that Brian had to spend some real time with Dylan.

"Wow, Dad," Dylan said. "It sure is a nice day for a stroll at the park."

"I know you're going to just love some quality time with your dear old dad," Brian replied.

Dylan chuckled.

While the two continued their walk, they suddenly heard soft whimpering coming from the statue of Roger Williams and stopped short.

"Dylan, do you hear something?" Brian asked.

"Yeah," Dylan replied. "And I think it's coming from the statue."

The followed the sound and saw another dog, sitting on its hind legs, crying. This dog appeared to be a cross between a Pit Bull and a German Shepherd, had tan fur that seemed to be all over, and wore a black collar. Its back was toward the statue.

"Dad," Dylan whispered. "It's a dog, just like _you_."

"Shhh," Brian replied. "I think I know who this dog is, whom I haven't seen in years."

Brian walked slowly closer to the dog, trying not to make a sound until he started to greet the dog.

"Vinny?"

The dog tuned its head, and by the black eyebrows, it was revealed that the dog was a male. There was cream white fur from his nose downward. His sad expression quickly changed to one of surprise.

"Brian?" Vinny responded in a New Jersey accent. "Is it really you?"

"Yeah," Brian answered. "It's been a long time, little brother." With that, Brian gave Vinny a hug. When Vinny turned the rest of his body around, the cream white fur was shown to lead all the way to his belly. "I couldn't help but overhear that you were crying. What happened?"

Vinny lowered his head. "My owner, Leo, had just died."

"Oh," Brian replied, sadly. "I'm sorry about that. How'd he die?"

"Yoga incident," Vinny answered. "His pubic area split in half on the first pose. I hear that NBC is doing a _Dateline_ special about it."

"Oh," Brian understood. "Maybe you should spend some time with me and Dylan. We can discuss it over tea and dog biscuits."

"Dylan? You mean your blonde owner?"

"Dylan's not my owner," Brian shook his head. "He's my son."

"Your son?" Vinny repeated, eyes widened. "You're a father to a human? That's a crazier idea than a mother pig raising a Guinea pig!"

 **Cutaway:** We are at a barn where a mother pig was raising a Guinea pig like it was her own offspring.

"Awww, look at you," she said softly to the sleeping Guinea pig. "It's so nice that a pig like me could take good care of a little Guinea pig like you. This animal parenting program really does the trick.


	5. A New Home for Vinny

_The Secret Life of Brian_

by LDEJRuff

Chapter 5 - A New Home for Vinny

* * *

Later that day, back at the Flannigan house, while the two dogs were having tea and dog biscuits, Brian had told Vinny his story about why he left the Griffins for Dylan.

"Wait a minute, Brian," Vinny responded. "You mean to tell me that you faked your own death so you can take care of your son?"

"That's what I said," Brian replied.

"But Brian," Vinny shrugged, "think about the family that needed you, your friends. Think about your home town."

"I don't think they need _me_ any longer," Brian disagreed. "Besides, now that I left the Griffins, I go by the name 'Brian Flannigan' now."

"But Tracy's still out there somewhere," Vinny replied. "She may still be alive."

"I dunno, Vin," Brian said, unsure. "The police are still searching everywhere for a shred of evidence that may lead to Tracy's whereabouts. I fear that she may be dead."

"Well, if that's the case," Vinny replied, "and Dylan needs a parent to take care of him, and to take him to school and work, then the Griffins _are_ gonna need a new family dog."

Upon hearing these words, he was reminded of what he last said about his former family before he left Quahog.

 _"I'm sure that when you and your family do get a new dog,"_ his words echoed inside his mind, _"you'll give to him or her what you gave me: a wonderful life."_

After being reminded of those words he said, he took out a photo of the Griffins, which he had in his billfold sometime before he left. He knew that something had to be done, and he looked at his brother.

"You're right, Vinny," Brian agreed, nodding. "You're going to need an owner. No. You're going to need _five_ owners."

"You mean, they're a family of five?"

Brian nodded. "When they _do_ go into the pet store, and they see you, or you see them, just promise me one thing."

"Anything, Brian," Vinny replied.

"Don't reveal to them _or_ the city of Quahog that I'm still alive. I want you to keep my existence a secret."

"That does seem pretty hard," Vinny said, unsure, "but whatever you say, Brian. You got yourself a deal."

With that, Brian shook Vinny's paw.

* * *

The following morning, both dogs were at the bus terminal.

"Okay, Vinny," Brian began, "you got your iPhone?"

"Got it," Vinny replied, getting his phone out.

"Good," Brian said, relieved. "We should exchange numbers so we can keep track of what's going on."

With that, both dogs gave each other their phones so they can type their numbers in.

"Okay, it's done," Vinny said.

"Good," Brian replied.

The dogs then traded back their phones.

"Well, I guess this is it," Vinny said.

"Yeah," Brian agreed. "Hey, Vin?"

"Yeah?"

"Be careful out there."

"Thanks, Brian."

With that, both dogs gave each other a hug, then let go before Vinny went inside the bus to Quahog.

As Vinny went on, Brian smiled at his brother.

Vinny smiled back as the bus rolled away.

* * *

When the bus arrived in Quahog, Vinny quickly eyed the pet store and went inside so he could find a cage to stay in.

Many days had passed until it was the one-month anniversary of the tragic event. When the Griffins went inside, he quickly noticed them.

"All right, guys," Lois began, "time to find a new family dog."

As she, Peter and Meg went up to the dog cages, Vinny was so happy, his tail started wagging.

 _"That must be them,"_ he thought. _"The family that Brian was in before he left."_ Vinny then started to get serious. _"Okay, Vinny,"_ he continued. _"Try to act natural and get their attention."_

Upon inspection, Lois shrugged.

"I don't know how to choose between all these dogs."

"Hey, you, green pants," Vinny called to Peter, getting his attention. "I hear you're looking for a dog or some'n."

"Oh, finally," Peter said, walking to Vinny's cage, "someone who sounds like they went to college. Hi, I'm Peter."

"Vinny."

"Oh, Vinny, like the Pooh. Hey, that's kinda cool. So, what's _your_ story?"

"Well, you know, I'm just a regular guy: You throw a stick, maybe I bring it back. Maybe I bring back an iPhone that fell off a truck."

"Well, let me ask you this: What's your stance on the music all the kids are listening to today?"

"I'm a little surprised you even call it music," Vinny replied, rather serious. Smiling then, he continued, "So, what do you say? You want me as your dog?"

"Yeah, I think I do!" With that, Peter let Vinny out of his cage. "Hey, just out of curiosity, what breed are you?"

Vinny answered, "Actually, I'm a pussyhound."

"Really?" Peter replied, excited. "All right!"

"That just means I'm one sixteenth cat," Vinny informed.

"Oh," Peter replied, unimpressed, "I wish you hadn't told me that."

 _"Well, I did it, Brian,"_ Vinny thought, smiling. _"I got the attention of the Griffins, and am now their family dog."_


	6. Tracy Has Been Found

_The Secret Life of Brian_

by LDEJRuff

Chapter 6 - Tracy Has Been Found

* * *

Later that night, back at the Flannigan house, Brian had received a text message from Vinny, saying that he has been welcomed into the family. Brian smiled.

"Hey, Dylan," Brian called. "Your Uncle Vinny's a Griffin now."

"Really?" Dylan replied, coming into the living room. "Oh, that's great! Now the void is filled."

"Yeah," Brian chuckled. "I guess the Griffins don't have to worry about me now."

Just then, he got another text.

"Oh," Brian continued, unimpressed. "He says that Stewie isn't used to him yet."

"Well," Dylan shrugged, "maybe someday, he _will_ be."

"I dunno, Dylan," Brian replied, unsure. "Stewie doesn't like change pretty much. He didn't like his room having the walls temporarily broken."

Just then, before a cutaway could be set up, there was a knock on the door. Brian walked up to the door and saw that there was a policeman.

"Is this the Flannigan house?" the policeman asked.

Brian answered, "Yes."

"We've found Tracy," the policeman simply said. "She's currently at the hospital. I don't know how to tell you this, but she's..." Without continuing, the policeman bowed his head.

Brian feared the worst as his jaw dropped.

* * *

At the Rhode Island Hospital in Eddy Street, Dylan saw his mother lying on a bed, comatose.

"Mom's in a coma?" Dylan responded to the doctor. "How could this happen to her?"

"She was in a real bad wreck on her way to the Super Stop & Shop last month, Dylan," the doctor replied. "The only other individual, an elderly man, said he didn't see her coming, and that it was an accident. I believe he died sometime later, on account of that accident being the cause of his pubic area being ruptured."

"Pubic area being ruptured?" Dylan repeated before suddenly realizing. "Old man Leo."

"Wait," the doctor replied. "You know about the elderly person?"

"A talking dog said that he used to be owned by that man," Dylan said. "They did a _Dateline_ special about his unexpected death, and he was pretty heartbroken."

"Well, where is his dog now?" the doctor asked.

"He just got adopted by a family that has lost another dog last month," Dylan answered. "They live in a city close to Providence. Anyway, how long before Mom regains consciousness?"

"I'd estimate that she'll regain consciousness in the next several months," the doctor replied. "You have a father or a guardian that can take you to school while your mother's laid up?"

"Well," Dylan began, "I _do_ have a father, and he just came to take care of me last month. He's been doing so since then."

With that, Dylan looked out the window and saw the Prius sitting outside. He and Brian both knew that pets weren't allowed without permission from the nursing staff.

"May we see this father of yours?" the doctor asked.

"I'll have to have permission from the staff first," Dylan answered. "My father's something that you wouldn't expect from a fourteen-year-old teenager."

With that, Dylan asked the nurses to allow his father inside the hospital. When Brian came in, the nurses were surprised to see that he was a dog. Brian went inside the room where Tracy and Dylan were, and introduced himself.

"I'm Dylan's father, Brian Flannigan."

"Your..." the doctor gulped. "Your father's a dog?"

Dylan nodded. "I hope it's all right that he comes here momentarily to check on Mom."

The doctor and nurses looked at each other uneasily, then at Brian, and finally at Dylan.

"Okay," the doctor said. "He can come in here momentarily to check on your mother."

Dylan was overjoyed. "Thank you, doctor."

* * *

After the visit was over, both father and son were shook up.

"Oh," Brian moaned. "What am I going to tell your uncle?"

"You can't just tell him that his owner was involved in an accident that put Mom in a coma," Dylan shrugged. "It'd be way too hard for him to understand."

"I'd have to, Dylan," Brian replied. "After all, he did promise not to reveal my still being alive to the Griffins."

Dylan sighed. "I guess you're right."

With that, Brian texted Vinny about the accident, and that Tracy was in a coma as a result.

In split screen, Brian was in the living room on the left side, while Vinny was in the living room in the Griffin house on the right. He was quietly shocked, and texted Brian back his reaction.

The next messages go back and fourth.

 _"You still keeping your promise, Vin?"_

 _"I am. And if I tell Stewie about how I lost Leo, I'll just tell him about the Dateline special."_

 _"Maybe he can warm up to you then."_

 _"Yeah, maybe he can."_

 _"Well, have a good night, little brother."_

 _"Good night to you, Brian."_

With that last message, both dogs hung up their phones. The screen shifted to Vinny's side as he looked up the stairs, worried about what he was going to tell Stewie.

"Oh, Stewie," he whispered. "If only you and the rest of the family knew what really happened to Brian. But I made a promise, and am going to keep it." He then looked out the window. "Be careful out there, big brother."


	7. Chickens and Tomato Juice

_The Secret Life of Brian_

by LDEJRuff

Chapter 7 - Chickens and Tomato Juice

* * *

A few days later, a green car pulled up into the driveway. Behind the steering wheel of the car was Ernie the Giant Chicken. Unlike in his usual encounters with Peter, he didn't wear an angry expression. Instead, he wore a sad expression.

 _"Oh, Brian,"_ Ernie thought. _"I can't believe that you would do this for your own son. But I will do as you said on the day you got your car back..."_

* * *

 _Flashback to last month. Ernie was driving his car, minding his own business._

 _"Okay," he began, "I just need to find flour, milk and eggs for Nicole's birthday cake, then I can surprise her with..."_

 _He stopped short when he noticed Brian Griffin sitting on a green bench._

 _"What the hell?"_

 _Ernie pulled into the area where Brian was. Brian quickly took notice. Ernie exited the car._

 _"Brian Griffin?" Ernie asked, confused. "What are you doing here? Didn't you just kick the bucket a couple days ago?"_

 _"If you want to know the truth, Chicken," Brian began, "you must promise me that you won't tell anyone about my still being alive, not even Peter."_

 _"Are...Are you bribing me?"_

 _"Nobody said this was a bribe. Okay. The truth is...I used one of Stewie's machines to clone myself. It wasn't me who got run over and killed by that Benz, it was my clone. And the man who drove that Benz...was me. I killed my own clone, and made all of Quahog believe me to be dead, so that I can be with my own son, Dylan. The only other people in the city who knows about me still being alive are Jerome, that jerk, Glenn Quagmire, and now...you."_

 _"You know what, Brian?" Ernie began. "That's just the act that can get you into trouble." With that, he pointed a primary index feather at Brian. "But," he continued, retracting the feather, "I'll do what I can to keep your secret."_

 _"Thanks, Ernie."_

 _"By the way, your family sold your car to a used car dealership."_

 _"Thanks for letting me know. If I can get it back, just promise me another thing."_

 _"Another promise?"_

 _"Yeah. Promise me that you won't get into anymore fights with Peter. These kinds of fights can lead to violence and destruction. So, if Peter doesn't want to have another bad reputation with the chicken community, just tell him that you're sorry for the Griffins' loss."_

 _Ernie thought about it._

 _"Okay, Brian," he said. "You got yourself a deal."_

 _With that, Brian shook Ernie's wing._

* * *

Back to today. Ernie got out of the car and knocked on the door.

 _"Okay, Ernie,"_ he thought to himself. _"Just keep your cool and don't break your promise."_

Peter opened the door, and his eyes narrowed when he saw Ernie. Just when Peter was about to punch Ernie, the chicken stopped him.

"Wait," he said, giving a wing signal. "Before you and I get into another chicken fight, I just want to say...I'm sorry for your loss."

"You..." Peter began, unclenching his fist, "You what?"

"I learned that you've lost your dog last month," Ernie said. "I...I can't fight you anymore knowing about this information."

"Yeah," Peter replied. "And it broke our hearts so much when he died."

Ernie started to feel guilty. "I know it may not be much, but I'm also sorry for all the fights that I've been in with you. The expired coupon. The dinner fiasco with Nicole. Everything."

"No, Ernie," Peter replied. "If anyone is to blame for the fights, it's me. _I'm_ the one who should be sorry."

"So, do we call a truce?" Ernie asked, offering a shake.

Peter looked behind himself. Lois, Meg and Chris have also been watching. Lois couldn't help but feel sad for them, so she nodded her head in agreement.

"Yes," Peter finally replied, shaking Ernie's wing. "Let's agree never to fight again."

"Good."

"Ay!" Vinny shouted from the backyard. "Oh! Oh! Ay! Ay! Oh! Again!"

"Hey, what's going on?" Ernie asked.

"Oh, that's our new dog, Vinny," Peter answered. "Something bad must have happened to him."

"Oh, my God," Lois said, walking to Peter and holding her nose. "Vinny's just been sprayed by a skunk. Get the tomato juice."

"Holy crap," Peter said, panicked.

"You know," Ernie informed, "tomato juice may be a good idea to get rid of skunk smells, but it _can_ leave a permanent stain in the tub. I guess sometime afterwards, you can bleach the tub for it to regain the white color."

"Wow, Ernie," Peter began, unimpressed, "that sounds kinda lame."

* * *

Later that day, back at the Flannigan house, while Brian was busy mowing the lawn, his phone started vibrating. Brian stopped the mower and answered it.

"Hello?"

On the other line was Vinny, sitting in a tomato-juice-filled bathtub and collarless.

"Hey there."

"Oh, hi, Vinny," Brian replied, smiling. "How's it going?"

"You know, a funny thing happened to me today," Vinny answered. "I was outside in the backyard sunbathing, when all of a sudden, a skunk came out of nowhere and sprayed me with its musk."

"Oh, no," Brian said, worried. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Vinny replied. "Peter and Lois were lucky enough to prepare a tomato juice bath for me to get rid of the smell. Anyway, remember those chicken fights Peter usually has with the Giant Chicken? Both agreed to never fight again, after what happened last month."

"Oh," Brian said. "That's good to hear."

"Well, I gotta go," Vinny said. "I gotta let my mother know how I'm doing. Talk to you later."

"Okay, Vinny," Brian said. "Keep taking care of the Griffins for me."

With that Brian hung up while Vinny tapped his mother's number on the phone.

"Hey, Ma," Vinny began, "remember, I told you, one day I'd be swimming in marinara?...Ma?...Ma, turn down the TV!"

* * *

Inside his bedroom, Stewie was in his crib, arms crossed.

"Stupid skunk plan didn't work," he sulked. "Guess I'll have to search for other ways to get rid of Vinny." He turned to his teddy bear, Rupert. "Rupert, do _you_ have any ideas?"

...

"Hmmm, good point," Stewie continued. "I'll have to find some news about Italian-Americans. If it's bad, I'll have to tell him about it that he'll get a heart attack."


	8. Vinny Wins Stewie Over

_The Secret Life of Brian_

by LDEJRuff

Chapter 8 - Vinny Wins Stewie Over

* * *

Of course, we all know how Stewie's "bad news about Italian-Americans" plan backfired: Chris delivered good news about Bobby Lamaduro's kid beating his cancer, which healed Vinny's heart.

Anyway, the next day, Vinny was in the kitchen, reading the newspaper and regarding a comic.

"Hey, Doonesbury," he said, "how about a joke that ain't for fancy millionaires?"

After a few seconds, he heard the faint sound of whimpering coming from the backyard. He followed the sound and found Stewie leaning against the back of the house, crying.

"Stewie?" Vinny began. "What's with the waterworks?"

"Oh," Stewie covered, drying his eyes, "um... I-I just... I realized I paid too much for my muffler."

"Come on, kid, quit crying," Vinny disbelieved, as he knew that something was troubling Stewie. "You're gonna get your pants wrinkled. What's the matter."

Stewie sighed seriously. He couldn't hide his hatred towards Vinny any longer. "Fine," he responded, turning to him. "Do you want to know what's the matter? _You're_ the matter!"

Vinny was shocked when he heard this.

"Everyone in this family is so damn thrilled with you," Stewie continued, "they've forgotten all about Brian!"

Vinny started to feel a little guilty.

"Well, _I'm_ not thrilled! I'll never forget Brian!" He began to break down. "He was my best friend. You're not supposed to lose your best friend at my age... You're not supposed to lose him ever!"

Throughout all of this, Vinny thought about keeping Brian's still being alive a secret. Because he couldn't break his promise to Brian, Vinny responded, with a sad look on his face, "Look, Stewie. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you're gonna be okay."

"Yeah, right," Stewie disagreed, turning away from Vinny. "How do _you_ know?"

"Because," Vinny replied, "I once had a thing, uh... happen to me with some stuff."

"Really?" Stewie turned again, slightly brightening and drying his eyes. "That's what's happening to _me_! Stuff!"

"You know, before you guys found me at the shop," Vinny began, "I lived with an old man named Leo. It was just him and me in a tiny apartment, and we got pretty tight. He kinda became my whole world. By the time he passed away, it was real tough."

"So," Stewie replied, "how did he die?"

Vinny answered, "He tried to go to a yoga class, and on the first pose, his ball sack split in half."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it was on _Dateline_ , it was a whole thing. Anyway, I guess Leo was kinda like _my_ Brian."

"Well, so, how'd you get over him?"

"Well," Vinny began, sitting on the step, "I met your family at the pet store. When I saw you guys looking for a dog, I kinda sensed you were all going through the same feelings of loss that _I_ was. And it made me think, 'Hey, maybe I was meant to find these guys. Maybe we were meant to be together."

Stewie started to smile, finally understanding how Vinny felt. "You know what, Vinny?" he began. "I'm starting to think that may be true."

Vinny chuckled in gesture. "Bring it in, Stewie."

With that, Stewie gave his new friend a heartwarming hug.

 _"It worked, Brian,"_ Vinny thought, looking up at the sky. _"I finally won Stewie over."_

Vinny then let go of Stewie.

"Hey, Stewie," Vinny began, "now that we're pals, maybe you can answer me some'n: Why does your living room smell so much like puke? Somebody throw up a lot in there once?"

"Vinny, my friend," Stewie answered, "you got a lot of stories to catch up on. I've got most of them on DVD."

"Oh, cool," Vinny replied, amazed. "Like, uh, by season and stuff?"

Stewie chuckled. "No, not by season."

* * *

 _"So, how was it Vinny? You and Stewie now friends?"  
_

Brian, spending yet another momentary visit at the Rhode Island Hospital, had texted Vinny.

Vinny texted back, as we enter into screen-split mode. He was in the living room with a then-sleeping Stewie.

 _"Yup. We had a little pep talk, and everything seems fine. He and I were sharing stories on DVD."_

 _"Really? Including the one when Jillian broke up with me?"_

 _"Mmm-hmm. I even saw the one where the Griffins attempted to replace you with a gray Border Collie wearing a maroon kerchief. It's hard to believe that dog was named 'New Brian'."_

 _"Well, I'm at the hospital watching over Tracy. She still hasn't regained consciousness yet."_

 _"Okay, big bro. Have a good night. Tell Dylan I said hi."_

 _"Will do, Vin. Good night to you. Don't let the bed bugs bite."_

Vinny chuckled as his side of the screen expanded.

"Oh, look at that," Lois said, coming in and noticing Stewie sleeping on the couch. "Stewie's sound asleep."

With that, Lois carried her son up to his room while Vinny followed.

"Boy," she continued, "I can't remember the last time Stewie fell asleep this early."

"Well," Vinny said, "I think the little guy had a long day."

"All right," Lois said, "come on, time for bed, Vinny. I'll tell Peter to turn off the nightlight this time."

"No!" Peter shouted from across the hall. "I need it for in case there's witches!"

"You know, actually, Lois," Vinny offered, "I think I'm gonna sleep in here with Stewie tonight."

"Oh, well, isn't that nice," Lois said. "Sleep tight, you two."

With that, she turned off the light while Vinny made himself comfortable next to the crib.

Stewie yawned. "Good night, Vinny," he said to his new friend.

Vinny replied, "Good night, Stewie."

A witch came into the bedroom, addressing the two. "Hey, you guys know which room is Peter's?"

"Across the hall," Vinny answered.

She looked behind herself and was repulsed by the sight of Peter's nightlight. "Ah, it's too bright in there," she said. "Never mind."

With that, she walked away.

* * *

Back at the hospital, after the visit was over, Brian returned to his son, who was in the waiting area.

"Well, Dad?" Dylan said.

"She's still comatose," Brian replied. "But I got good news from your Uncle Vinny. He and Stewie are now friends."

Dylan sighed in relief. "That's good to know. I just hope he's keeping his promise."

"I hope so, too, Dylan," Brian assured. "I hope so, too."

* * *

Author's note: This isn't the end of the story, however. I still got more chapters to write based on FG1207 and FG1208. We'll see how the story progresses.


	9. Information About Glenn Quagmire

_The Secret Life of Brian_

by LDEJRuff

Chapter 9 - Information About Glenn Quagmire

* * *

Some time later, while the Griffins were watching _Muppet Babies_ , there was a knock on the door. Peter answered and saw that it was Glenn.

"Hey, Quagmire," Peter greeted.

"Hey, Peter," Glenn greeted back. "Do you mind if I hang out here a while? I accidentally made eye contact with a transvestite at a bar, and he followed me home."

"Oh, sure," Peter replied. "Come on in, Quagmire." Glenn started to take his shoes off. "Oh, you don't have to take your shoes off. Our house sucks."

At this, Vinny walked to the door to greet Glenn as well.

"So, Quagmire," he began, "if you're some kind of big ladies' man, how come I never see you wearing a necklace?"

"I, uh that's not really my thing."

"I'll get you one."

"Please, don't," Glenn begged.

"Hey, come on!" Stewie said, dressed up like an Italian and emulating one as well. The guy wants to get you a necklace, let him get you a necklace!"

 **Cutaway:** Vinny's voice actor, Tony Sirico, in live action footage, was busy watching TV in his living room.

"Stewie, please," Tony warned, "I know you're trying to be like the dog I voice, but it just ain't you. And Vinny, give Brian my regards."

Back to the living room.

"Will do, Tony," Vinny replied, giving a thumb up.

"Vinny, who are you talking to?" Peter asked.

"Oh, uh, nobody," Vinny replied uneasily. Afterwards, he went upstairs so he could talk to Brian on the phone, in private.

The screen split to show Brian talking on the phone in the living room of the Flannigan house on the right side of the screen.

"Hello, Vin," Brian said.

"Hey," Vinny replied. "Listen, you ain't gonna believe this, but Peter's neighbor, Glenn Quagmire, has come over to visit."

"Oh, lord," Brian feared. "He's probably going to spill the beans about my being alive."

"Well, he didn't," Vinny said. "Wait, how'd he know you're still alive?"

Brian sighed. "First of all, besides you, he's one of a few Quahogers that knows about my still-going existence. Second, Glenn's the person you gotta watch out for. He and I have been rivals since Season 8."

"He's your rival?"

"Yeah," Brian nodded. "If you have a few minutes, I should tell you more about him."

* * *

 _"Despite being a ladies' man, Glenn Quagmire's also a sex offender, a neglectful father and a cheating pervert. I tried to gain his friendship once, but he chewed me out one night while we were at the steakhouse with a rant about why he didn't like me. He started by calling me the worst person he knew. He says that I constantly hit on Lois, Peter pays for my food, saves me from certain death, and I repay him with being a liberal douche. And to make matters worse, I defecate on his lawn, that is, until Lois forced me to use the toilet like everyone else in the family. And more about Glenn, he reminded me about how I never pay anyone back. And what always bothers him is how the women I date think I'm a soul dog. Glenn dates women with honesty. He compares me to Holden Caulfield, saying that my interpretations are intellectual, while Holden's are sorta bratty. He usually calls people 'phonies'. And Glenn calls my writing terrible, even though I happen to be a great writer, since I've written two books, including my self-help book, Wish It. Want It. Do It. I tried to envy Glenn by taking the love of his life, Cheryl Tiegs, away from him. Glenn turned the tables when he took my ex-girlfriend, Jillian, away from me. It was when, another night at the L'Espèce d'Andouille, we traded insults at each other so much that both Cheryl and Jillian decided to leave us on account of me being a user and Glenn acting like a unicycle street performer with a parrot on his shoulder. But enough about that night. It's time we talked about the other night. Glenn hated my liberal textbook agenda, like the time I tried legalizing marijuana, and the time I talked about homelessness being the biggest American tragedy. That was before I found you, when you told me and Dylan how your owner, Leo died. And more about Glenn's rant, he called me out for being an atheist, a two-timing college failure, and a bad father. He concluded the rant by saying that he called me a big, sad, alcoholic bore. Our rivalry took a turn for the worse when I had sex with his genderbent father, Ida Davis, who was once known before the sex change as decorated war hero Lieutenant Commander Dan Quagmire. When I found out about this from Stewie, I threw up in his room for thirty seconds and was grossed out. Glenn beat the crap out of me the same day after I took a bath, and threatened to kill me the next time I came to his house."_

* * *

Throughout Brian's lecture, Vinny was frozen in fear.

"Wow, Brian," he suddenly responded in the form of a whisper. "It's no wonder you and Quagmire ain't friends. I just hope Dylan didn't listen."

"He didn't, Vinny," Brian replied. "Besides, he's out at work starring in an episode of _Parent Boppers_ , anyway. He'll be starting high school soon."

"Well, I gotta go, B," Vinny said, cupping a paw to the speaker of his phone. "Give my regards to Dylan. Oh, and Tony said hi."

"Okay, thanks, Vin," Brian replied. "Talk to you later."

With that, both dogs hung up. Brian's side of the screen expanded when he got a reminder.

"Oh," he said. "I have another momentary visit at the hospital to check on Tracy. Mustn't forget that."

* * *

Author's note: And thus begins what happens during "Into Harmony's Way".


	10. Vinny Offers Forgiveness

_The Secret Life of Brian_

by LDEJRuff

Chapter 10 - Vinny Offers Forgiveness

* * *

Within a few days' time, Peter and Glenn decided to start a music career after their encounter with a bee. They began to write folk songs, and sang their first song, as a duo, "I Can't Poop in Strange Places" at the Public Library. After their first attempt, they'd gotten a little help from their Jewish friend, Mort, who was also a pharmacist. With Mort's help, they became a success, and were booked at the New England Music Festival.

During breakfast one day, Peter announced this news to the family.

"You got booked at the New England Music Festival?" Lois repeated. "Oh, my God, Peter, that's amazing! I had no idea you and Quagmire could even sing!"

"Now let this be a lesson to you kids," Peter informed Meg and Chris. "If you randomly stumble upon an amazing talent, and then someone important sees it by wild coincidence, great things can happen without any hard work."

"I'm gonna go jump off the roof and see if I can fly!" Chris said, getting up from the table and walking outside.

"That's it, Chris," Peter replied, "pursue your dream!"

"A singer, huh?" Vinny questioned. "You as good as the guys who sing 'Happy Birthday' at Macaroni Grill?"

"Oh, don't compare me..." Peter started to reply. "Look, they been doing it for years."

"Imagine, my Peter, the big singing star!" Lois said. "Don't forget about us squares back at home."

"Don't you worry, Lois," Peter assured. "No one has stronger marriages and more well-adjusted kids an rock stars."

Chris was outside, flying like a bird. "It's working!" he shouted.

After finishing his breakfast, Vinny got up. "Excuse me," he said. "I'm just gonna talk to Quagmire about some'n."

Meg started to act a little suspicious toward him. "Hmmm, I wonder," she said. "Vinny's been acting a little strange. I've seen him talking at the phone at times, but so far, he hasn't told me who he was calling. He said it was someone he called 'anonymous'."

Peter regarded her.

"Shut up, Meg," he said.

"You don't think...?"

The family began to wonder for a few seconds.

"Nah," they said.

* * *

Outside, Vinny walked over to Glenn's house and knocked on the door. Glenn opened it and was surprised to see him.

"Vinny? What are _you_ doing here?"

"Hey, Quags, can I talk to you for a moment in private?" Vinny requested.

"Sure, Vin," Glenn replied. "What's this about?"

"Shhh," Vinny whispered, a finger to his mouth. "We have to talk about it inside."

With that, Glenn allowed Vinny inside and closed the door.

"Okay, Vinny, what is it?" Glenn asked.

"I don't want to argue with you about it," Vinny began, "but it's about your rivalry with Brian."

"Their former dog who died?" Glenn said, narrowing his eyes.

"You can drop the act, Quagmire," Vinny replied like Glenn wasn't fooling him. "You and I both know he ain't dead."

"What _about_ Brian?"

"Well," Vinny began, "he called me during your stay at my house a few days ago. He told me about the fiasco you two had when you stole each others' girlfriends."

"Please, don't remind me about that night," Glenn begged in worry.

" _And_ the night he ****** your dad," Vinny continued.

Glenn's eyes narrowed again. "Oh, come on!"

"He said that he didn't know about him being your dad until he was informed about it the next day," Vinny shrugged. "Look, Glenn. Brian's my big brother, and it just ain't right for you two not being friends and everything. Sure Brian ain't perfect, but he's still my big brother, and I love him. We may have different mothers, but he and I are still blood."

Glenn froze for a second. "You're _related_ to that piece of crap?" he responded, shrugging.

"See? You're doing it again." Vinny pointed. "All I'm offering is that you forgive him for all the things he's done, like _I_ have."

"Just go," Glenn said, pointing to the door. "I don't have time to talk about someone I don't like. Besides, I've got to prepare for the music festival."

Vinny walked sadly to the door and opened it.

"I was just trying to help, Glenn," Vinny said, turning his head to him. "You need to change. Think about it."

With that, he closed the door and walked home, leaving Glenn alone to prepare for the music festival.

* * *

Back at the Flannigan house, Brian had gotten word from the internet about the details of the New England Music Festival, and was surprised and shocked to see the musical duo of Griffin and Quagmire performing a number there.

"Oh, my God," he worried. "Peter and Glenn are performing at the music festival? If I attend there, Peter will see me alive and the whole 'faking my death' thing will be ruined!"

"That's okay, Dad," Dylan assured. "You and I can watch from a faraway distance so we can still see the performance."

"That's not what I'm worried about, Dylan," Brian feared. "If the Griffins also attend, and _they_ see me alive as well, I'm going to be humiliated!"

"Okay, Dad," Dylan said, placing his hands in front of him. "I think I have an idea on how I'm going to keep your existence a secret."

"How?" Brian asked.


	11. Pop Tart

_The Secret Life of Brian_

by LDEJRuff

Chapter 11 - Pop Tart

* * *

The day of the New England Music Festival had come. As per Dylan's idea, both father and son had attended, but had to watch from a tree that was far away. However, in order for Brian to be hidden so the Griffins wouldn't know he's alive, Brian had to be dressed like a baby in a carriage, and Dylan had to cross-dress like the baby's mother. Brian was unsure if this was a good idea.

"I don't know, Dylan," Brian said. "Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, being a transvestite?"

"Sorry, Dad," Dylan shrugged. "I'm sure the hospital won't mind if you miss a day."

"Well, I gotta know if the Griffins are watching, anyway." With that, he saw through his binoculars that the Griffins were preparing to watch. Out of the family, Stewie had prepared a basket next to Rupert, with a spritzer and some cheese. "Oh, good Lord," Brian feared. "They're getting ready to watch."

At their spot, Vinny noticed what Stewie was doing.

"What you doing with that doll?" Vinny asked.

"Oh, hello, Vinny," Stewie replied. "Rupert and I are just having a spritzer and some cheese in advance of the performance."

"I wouldn't do that," Vinny disagreed.

"Why not?"

"You know, there was a guy on my old block, Johnny Chickstuff," Vinny informed. "We called him that because he used to like to, uh..."

"Do chick stuff?" Stewie guessed.

"Do chick stuff!" Vinny repeated. "Exactly. Anyway, a bunch of us got together and beat him with a grill lid and windshield wipers, and let's just say, uh, he don't do chick stuff no more."

"'Cause of the beatin's?"

"Yeah. He wasn't exactly like us, so we had to almost kill him.

"That sounds terrible," Stewie said, worried. "What happened to him?"

"I dunno," Vinny answered. "Soon thereafter, a girl in the neighborhood married a black guy, so we all kind of turned our attention to that."

Just then, Vinny's phone started vibrating.

"Oh, excuse me," he said. "I'll be back, I got a call."

With that, he walked far away from the family and answered the phone.

"Is that you, Brian?" Vinny whispered.

The screen split to show Brian in the carriage on the right side of the screen.

"Yeah," Brian answered, also whispering. "Dylan and I are also watching the festival, but at a far away distance. Dylan suggested that he be dressed as a woman in a dress, and I be dressed as a baby."

"So, you guys are going undercover, huh?"

"Yeah," Brian answered. "I just hope the Griffins don't find out."

"Well, look, I gotta go, B," Vinny replied. "The festival's about to begin. Peter and Glenn are the opening act."

"Okay," Brian whispered. "Good luck, Vin."

With that, both dogs hung up. Vinny's side expanded.

"A baby?" Vinny whispered. "I dunno if that's such a good idea."

* * *

"Ladies and gentlemen," the announcer said, beginning the opening act, "please welcome Griffin and Quagmire!"

The curtain unveiled to show Peter and Glenn with their guitars at the ready. They started playing their song.

 _Have you ever put butter on a Pop-Tart?_

 _It's so frickin' good_

 _Have you ever put butter on a Pop-Tart?_

 _If you haven't, then I think you should_

Peter sang his solo part.

 _I was sittin' in the kitchen_

 _one day and I was itchin'_

 _to fill up my belly_

 _with the pipin' hot jelly_

 _of the best damn treat in the world_

"He's talking Pop-Tarts!" Glenn informed.

 _And I saw a stick of butter_

 _and it almost made me shudder_

 _And scream like a baby girl_

The two then sang together.

 _I don't want a giant penis_

 _or a rocket trip to Venus_

 _I don't want to win the lottery_

 _I just want to squat and gobble_

 _Till I'm dizzy and I wobble_

 _In a butter, fruit and dough tart dream_

 _So I put butter on a Pop-Tart_

 _It was so frickin' good_

 _Have you ever put butter on a Pop-Tart?_

 _If you haven't, then I think you should_

"Everybody come along with us!" Glenn said to the audience.

 _Have you ever put butter on a..._

"Pop-Tart!" the audience shouted.

 _It's so frickin' good_

 _Yeah! Have you ever put butter on a..._

"Pop-Tart!" the audience shouted again.

 _If you haven't, then I think you should._

"Pop-Tart!" Glenn finished.

"With butter?!" Peter added.

As the audience applauded the performance, Brian was impressed.

"Wow," Brian said. "I gotta hand it. Those two really do make beautiful music together. But I am kinda worried if they'll make their fame go to their heads."

"Oh, Dad," Dylan chuckled. "You worry too much."

* * *

The next day, back at the Flannigan house, Brian had gotten word from Vinny that Peter and Glenn have signed a deal with Sony Records, and were going to begin a two-month tour. The thing was, one of the cities they were going to visit was Los Angeles. Again, the screen was split to show Brian in the living room on the left side, and Vinny cupping a paw to the speaker on the right.

"Los Angeles?" Brian repeated. "That's where Jasper lives."

"Oh, that's right," Vinny whispered, "he's our cousin."

"Anyway," Brian continued, "I just don't like the idea that they dumped Mort. He got the two to where they are."

"I'm beginning to like what this success has done to Peter less and less."

"I know. I don't like it either."

Just then, Vinny's phone vibrated.

"Oh, excuse me," Vinny whispered. "I got another call."

With that, Vinny tapped the button on the phone screen. Speak of the devil, it was Jasper. The screen again split, this time, to show Jasper on the bottom.

"Hey, Vinny," Jasper greeted. "I just learned that Peter and Glenn are on tour."

"Hi, Jasper," Vinny replied. "We were just talking about you."

Brian froze.

"We?" Jasper repeated. "Who _else_ is calling?"

"Oops," Vinny realized.

"H...Hi, J-J-Jasper," Brian greeted, nervously.

"Brian?" Jasper replied, a little overjoyed. "You're alive? But how? Peter and Lois told me that you got run over. I was at your funeral."

Brian sighed. "Okay, Jasper. Since you, Vinny and I are talking to each other, we must share a secret with you. Remember the inventions that Stewie works on?"

"Yeah?"

"Well," Vinny added, whispering, "Brian used one of Stewie's machines to clone himself and rented a Benz to run his clone over, so he could fake his death to be with Dylan."

"His human son?" Jasper came on. "Well, what about his mother, Tracy?"

"Comatose, Jasper," Brian informed. "That's why I'm taking care of Dylan."

"Brian, you could get in big trouble for this," Jasper said. "Sooner or later, you've got to go back to the Griffins and tell them the truth."

"I wish I could, Jasper," Brian sighed. "Besides, Summer's almost over, and Dylan started high school recently. And apart from spending momentary visits at the hospital to check on Tracy, I'm working part time at the Rite Aid. Maybe I'll retire early in December and come back _to_ the Griffins as some sort of Christmas miracle, if Tracy regains consciousness that is."

"Okay, Brian," Jasper understood. "I'll promise to keep your secret."

"Good," replied a relieved Brian.

"Hey, Jasper," Vinny whispered, "can you forgive _me_ as well?"

"Of course I can," Jasper replied.

"Good," Vinny smiled.

"Well, I gotta go," Jasper said. "Bye, Vin. And Brian, I'm glad to know that you're still alive. Except for Ricardo, I won't let anyone else know about your existence. I just hope Ricardo can keep the secret, too."

"Okay," Brian replied.

"Bye, Jasper," Brian and Vinny said.

With that, all three dogs hung up. Brian's side expanded.

"Well," Brian began, suddenly worried, "Jasper knows I'm alive. I just hope _he_ doesn't spill the beans, either."


	12. Reconciliations

_The Secret Life of Brian_

by LDEJRuff

Chapter 12 - Reconciliations

* * *

Within the two-month period, Thanksgiving had come. Since it was a holiday weekend, Brian decided to take some time off and spend it with Dylan, who took time off from school. Because the two didn't want to spend Thanksgiving alone with just two people, Brian decided to invite his cousin, Jasper, and his spouse, Ricardo, for the occasion.

Anyway, while Brian and Dylan were watching the Thanksgiving Day Parade on TV, Jasper and Ricardo came over. Jasper knocked on the door, and Brian answered. He was delighted to see his cousin once again.

"Jasper!" he said. "I was beginning to wonder when the two of you were going to show up. Please come in."

With that, they came in the house to greet Dylan.

"Hey," Dylan greeted back. "You must be Dad's cousin, Jasper."

"Good to see you, Dylan," Jasper replied. "When I learned that your father was alive, I was so astonished."

Dylan sighed. "I sure wish Uncle Vinny would come, too."

"Me, too," Brian replied, "but he's spending Thanksgiving back at the Griffin house. I can't imagine what it would be like if Peter isn't carving the turkey."

"Yeah," Dylan agreed, "now that he and Mr. Quagmire are on tour."

"Actually," Brian began, "Mr. Quagmire walked out on Peter last night during an episode of _Conan_."

"Really?" Dylan replied, surprised. "What happened?"

"Well, I feared that all the fame went to Peter's head and it caused life for Mr. Quagmire to become stressful. Well," he began, rather sarcastically, "I feel sorry for him."

"Why?" Dylan shrugged.

"Mr. Quagmire and I have some...trust issues," Brian answered. "He doesn't like me for the things I've done, and _I_ don't like _him_ for being a neglectful father, a cheating pervert, a sex offender, _or_ for stealing my ex-girlfriend."

"Dad," Dylan began, "you can't hate on someone just because _they_ don't like _you_. In time, you two will set aside your differences and learn from your mistakes, and maybe someday, the two of you will become friends again."

"Well," Brian responded, "that doesn't mean I still can't be mad at him."

"I agree with Dylan, Brian," Jasper said, laying a paw on his shoulder. "I bet Glenn is probably going to learn from his mistakes right now."

* * *

Later that afternoon, Glenn paid for a plane ride to Providence from Burbank after walking out on Peter the night before. He wore an angry expression on his face and crossed his arms.

"Stupid Peter," he growled. "All that 'fame going into his head' ********. Well, who needs _him_ anyway? I can do just fine without him!"

"What's that?" a passenger in front of him asked. "You sound like you just lost a best friend."

"I _did_ ," Glenn answered. "He just ruined a performance on an episode of _Conan_ last night and made things worse."

"You know, sir," the passenger said, "you need to forgive him for that."

What she said reminded him of what Vinny said to Glenn earlier about forgiving Brian.

 _"_ _All I'm offering,"_ Vinny's words echoed, _"is that you forgive him for all the things he's done, like I have. You need to change. Think about it."_

Throughout these words, Glenn started to feel guilty.

"Oh, my God," Glenn moaned. "What am I doing?"

With that, he placed his hands on his face.

* * *

Some time after the plane landed, Glenn asked for directions to Tracy's house. He got a taxi ride there, and when he got there, he knocked on the door.

"Okay, Glenn," he whispered to himself. "Don't blow it in front of him."

Brian opened the door, and his eyes narrowed when he saw Glenn.

"What the hell are _you_ doing here, Glenn?" Brian asked, coldly.

"Brian," Glenn shrugged sadly, "I...I was told that you...should be forgiven."

Brian's eyes widened in surprise. He never thought he would hear Glenn say those words.

Glenn continued, "Vinny told me that you're his big brother two months ago, some time before the music festival. Throughout the tour, I started acting like such a jerk toward Peter, just like I was toward _you_. Well, now I know that there are some things more important than fame and fortune." His expression changed to that of sadness, as if he was begging. "Brian, I don't know how to tell you this, but..." He sighed then. "I forgive you."

"Glenn," Brian responded, emotionally touched. "That...was the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

"Now, the question is: Can _you_ forgive _me_?"

Brian couldn't help but smile. He gave Glenn a heartwarming hug, and the two had just become friends once again.

"I'm glad to see such a warm embrace, Mr. Quagmire," Dylan said. He, Jasper and Ricardo had just watched the emotional bond.

"You should come inside," Jasper offered. "We're just about to have dinner."

"Thanks, Jasper," Glenn replied, "but I have something I need to take care of back in Quahog."

With that, Glenn walked on his way back to the taxi.

"Wait," Brian got his attention. "I'm sorry for making that threat on the day after the 'accident'."

"And _I'm_ sorry for calling you a bore," Glenn replied.

"Still keeping your promise?" Brian asked.

Glenn responded with a thumb up.

"Guess I can take _that_ as a yes."

* * *

"Dear Lord," Dylan prayed, as dinner was ready on the table, "we thank you for such a wonderful Thanksgiving. I'm just sorry that Mom couldn't spend it with us this time. I pray that you be with her as she tries to regain consciousness sometime. Be with Mr. Griffin and Mr. Quagmire as they reconcile their friendship. Be with us as we spend this Thanksgiving together. For all this, we ask in your name. Amen."

"Amen," Jasper repeated. "Brian, you may not believe in God now, but someday, you _will_."

"Thanks for the kind words, Jasper," Brian replied. "I'll try to keep that in mind."

* * *

Later that night, back in Quahog, as soon as Glenn returned, he noticed the tour bus in front of the Griffin house, and that Peter had returned to his family.

After paying the taxi driver and getting his guitar out, he got the family's attention. "Hey, you got room for another?"

"Quagmire?" Peter asked as he and the rest of the Griffins got out of the group hug. "I thought you were still out on the road."

"I was," Glenn replied, "but then I thought, what was Simon without Garfunkel?"

"Wildly successful?"

"Yeah, but all that success would mean nothing if I lost my best friend. Do you do you think you can forgive me?"

"Oh, Quagmire."

With that, the two reconciled by giving each other a kiss and a hug.

"Well, I'm glad to have you back home for Thanksgiving, Peter," Lois said, getting her husband's attention.

"And I'm glad to be here," Peter replied. "'Cause everyone knows that life after being famous is even better than it was before. Let me just grab my stuff off the bus."

With that, Peter went to the bus...and then shot himself. Luckily, it was just an attempt.

As Lois and the kids rushed to the bus, Vinny walked up to Glenn.

"So, Quags," Vinny began. "Have you taken my advice?"

"I have," Glenn replied. "Thanks, Vinny."

"My pleasure, Glenn." Vinny then looked behind himself. "Happy Thanksgiving, big brother," he whispered.

* * *

Author's note: And so ends what happens during "In Harmony's Way". I'll be starting what happens in "Christmas Guy" soon.


	13. The Quest for Answers

_The Secret Life of Brian_

by LDEJRuff

Chapter 13 - The Quest for Answers

* * *

Many days have passed, and it was getting close to Christmas. While inside the Flannigan residence, Brian had gotten a call from the Hospital. He picked up the phone and answered.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Flannigan, this is the Rhode Island Hospital," the doctor replied. "I have some great news about Tracy that I think you need to hear. She will soon regain consciousness within the week."

Brian was overjoyed when he heard this news. "That's good to hear. Thank you, doctor."

With that, both hung up.

"Oh, my God," Brian continued. "Dylan is going to be so happy."

* * *

Later that day, at Providence Place, Brian was busy browsing one of the toy stores.

"Hey, Brian," Vinny's voice got his attention.

"Vinny?" Brian responded, puzzled. "What are _you_ doing here? Aren't you supposed to be home with the Griffins?"

"Yeah," Vinny replied, "but I figured I need your help. You see, the Christmas Carnival at the Quahog Mall has been cancelled, and I'm in search for answers. Some guy I know who works at the mall says that he knows a guy that lives here in Providence. Goes by the name of Bernie 'The Walrus' Spumoni. The thing is, he don't work for free."

"Really?" Brian replied, surprised.

Vinny nodded. "Some of these guys I know don't usually know nothing."

"Well, I just happen to know where The Walrus lives," Brian offered. "If you like, I can give you a ride."

"That sounds nice, Brian," Vinny replied, delighted. "Anyway, I've noticed your Prius at this mall's parking lot and figured that you'd be here. What are you aiming to get here, anyway?"

"A Christmas present for Stewie," Brian answered. "However, I don't want him to know that it was me who got him one; just from Santa."

"Oh," Vinny understood. "You still hiding your still being alive from the Griffins, huh?"

Brian nodded.

"Well," Vinny continued, "I think I know a better toy store that you can go to. It's a hobby store in Warwick that sells train kits."

"Well, maybe that's what I can get for him. Thanks for letting me know, Vin."

"You bet, B."

* * *

As promised, Brian took Vinny over to see The Walrus. Vinny knocked on the door. The Walrus opened the peep hole and quickly saw both dogs.

"Are one of you dogs Vinny?" The Walrus asked.

"That would be me," Vinny answered. "I was lucky that my big brother, Brian, was able to drop me off here to find answers."

"If you want to know who cancelled this Christmas Carnival thing," The Walrus began, "you need to bring me the foot of Johnny 'The Foot' Giatelli."

"That reputed gangster?" Vinny realized.

"Yeah," The Walrus replied. "I hear that he passed away recently. But I need his foot to make sure."

"Well," Vinny began, uneasily, "okay, if you say so, Mr. Spumoni."

"Please, call me 'The Walrus'," The Walrus requested. "All my friends do, even Sal Casella."

* * *

Again, Brian gave Vinny a ride, this time, to the whereabouts of The Foot. However, Brian had a confusing look on his face.

"Vinny," he began, "are you sure you want to do this?"

"I _don't_ want to do this," Vinny shrugged. "I'm a kind-hearted dog, I can't kill."

"Well, maybe _I_ can," Brian replied, rather worried. "If they send me to the pound, my publicity will be noticed, and the Griffins will know that I'm still alive."

"Brian, you're my big brother, and I love you," Vinny replied. With a sigh, he continued, "Well, here goes nothing."

With that, he and Brian got out of the Prius, entered The Foot's house, and saw that the house was completely empty, save for a cooler and a piece of paper. Inside the cooler, which Vinny had opened, was a severed foot, which, at the sight, made Vinny's eyes quiver. Brian picked up the paper and read it.

"Dear visitor," he began. "If you have found this severed foot, it means that I've moved away. I don't want The Walrus to know that I'm still alive, or that I have my foot cut off and replaced with one that's made of wood; as you have probably figured out by now, I have a prosthetic foot. If you deliver this old foot of mine to The Walrus, keep this letter I've left behind, as well as my existence, a secret. Signed, Johnny 'The Foot' Giatelli. P.S.: Good luck."

"Well, can't let this foot go to waste," Vinny said, placing the foot inside a box filled with tissue paper. "Let's get this to The Walrus and be done with it."

"Okay, Vin," Brian began. "But first, we should go to this hobby store and pick up a train set for Stewie."

"Good idea. I can tell him it's from me."

* * *

After buying the train set and painting it back at the Flannigan house with quick-drying paint, both brothers drove back to The Walrus' house.

"I hope I know what I'm doing," Vinny said.

"Ditto," Brian added. "Just get this foot delivered to The Walrus so you'll know who cancelled the Christmas Carnival. I'll be waiting in the Prius."

"Thanks, Brian."

With that, Vinny walked to the back of the Prius and picked up one of the boxes, since they both looked the same. What he didn't know was that the box he picked up contained the train that Brian painted. Vinny knocked on the door, and again, The Walrus peered through the peep hole.

"You got the foot?" The Walrus asked.

"Yup," Vinny answered, "right here in this box."

"Good."

And with that, The Walrus opened the door and allowed Vinny inside.

"Why do you want The Foot's foot so badly?" Vinny asked.

"Because, I'm throwing a Christmas party for my gang soon," The Walrus answered. "Now, about the answers to who cancelled this Christmas Carnival at the Quahog Mall, my associate, who learned from his niece about it, said that it's been cancelled by the mall's owner, Carter Pewterschmidt."

"Carter Pewterschmidt?" Vinny repeated. "Never heard of him. Guess I should have another guy working on finding out who this guy is. _I_ can't do it personally, since I'm owned by a family who lives outside of Providence. Anyway, thanks, Mr. Walrus. Have a Merry Christmas."

"You, too, Vinny," The Walrus waved.

Vinny walked back to the Prius, where Brian waited.

"So," Brian began, "have you gotten the answer you needed?"

"Yeah," Vinny answered. "He told me that his associate's niece had told him that the mall's owner, Carter Pewterschmidt, had cancelled the Carnival."

When Brian heard Carter's name, he froze in fear. Vinny had noticed Brian's expression change.

"Are you okay, Brian?"

Brian quickly shook his head and snapped out of his expression. "Hmm? What? Oh, yeah, I'm okay."

* * *

Later that day, Brian dropped Vinny off at the bus terminal, so he could deliver what he thought was the train, to Stewie.

"Well," Vinny began, "thanks again, big brother."

"You're welcome, Vinny," Brian replied. "Merry Christmas."

"You, too."

With that, Vinny hopped out of the Prius with the box in paw and waited for the bus to take him home.

While he saw his little brother walk to the terminal, Brian thought in fear, _"Oh, Vin. If only you knew who Carter was from Lois, you'd be surprised_ _and_ _shocked."_

Brian would be right later that day.

* * *

Author's note: And so begins what happens during "Christmas Guy".


	14. Stewie's Wish and Tracy's Recovery

_The Secret Life of Brian_

by LDEJRuff

Chapter 14 - Stewie's Wish and Tracy's Recovery

* * *

Time had passed, and within that time, Peter had convinced Carter to bring the carnival back. It was hard work, but he did it. Now with the carnival back at the Quahog mall, the Griffins were in line for Stewie to see Santa, and they were next in line. However, Vinny had noticed that Stewie was wearing a sad expression on his face.

"What's wrong with you, Stews?" he asked, getting Stewie's attention. "You're next up to see the big guy himself and you look like a piece of spaghetti on the street."

"Where are you from again?" Stewie asked.

Vinny answered, "The Manton Avenue section of North Providence. Used to be heavily-attired, now lousy with Dominicans."

Peter, however, was amazed. "Oh, this Christmas Carnival has everything," he said. "Games, food... Oh, my God, it's the carolers from _A Christmas Story_."

Said Asian carolers were singing "Deck the Halls", but were having troubles with their L and R sounds.

"That's right, America," Peter addressed the viewers. "Don't forget: your beloved holiday movie is incredibly racist."

"And flom not that rong ago," a caroler added.

Back to Stewie and Vinny.

"You got everything you wanted here, Stewie," Vinny shrugged. "What's your problem?"

"I don't know," Stewie answered. "I thought having the carnival back would make me happy, but it still feels like something's missing."

"Yeah, it's always something," Vinny replied. "Like when I finally got to sleep with Mary Lou Gallo. She had a look, but when you got up close, she also had a smell."

"Oh, Stewie, you're next," Lois said, bringing her infant son to the Mall Santa's lap. It was now time.

"Ho, ho, ho," the Mall Santa began. "Mall Santa is brought to you in part this season by Chipotle. Between good and garbage, it's Chipotle. So, what do you want for Christmas?"

"Oh, what do I want for Christmas?" Stewie asked himself. "What _do_ I want for Christmas?"

Stewie looked around him, seeing the remote flyer planes on display, some toys being rung up at the toy store cashier, his father being pushed by a couple teenagers, who then tossed his hat back and forth, then at the game store, and the gift-wrapping department. All of this seemed to be a bit too much for Stewie.

"I'll tell you what I _don't_ want for Christmas," Stewie said. "All this cheap plastic junk. Do you know what I want for Christmas?" he continued, this time, with a sad look on his face. "I want my friend back."

"Your friend?" the Mall Santa repeated, confused.

"Yes," Stewie replied. "My _best_ friend. My dog, Brian. He's dead. It's our first Christmas without him and no one's even mentioned his name."

Vinny's expression changed to that of guilt. He wanted to tell Stewie that Brian was still alive, but kept his promise not to, for Brian's sake.

"I don't care about this stupid carnival or Christmas," Stewie continued. "I don't care about anything except Brian. I want Brian." With that, Stewie started shedding tears.

"You want me to put a dead dog under your tree?" the Mall Santa asked, confused.

"Yes," Stewie answered. "And, uh, I... I'd like a bike, too."

On that, Stewie saw that two parents had bought their son a bike. The rest of the human family members were sad about what their youngest member said.

* * *

Author's note: Yeah, I know these few bits are from the storyboard animatic version of "Christmas Guy" found on Disc 2 of the Season 12 DVD, but I decided to add some bits from the final process. Anyway, back to the story.

* * *

"Excuse me for a few minutes, guys," Vinny said to the Griffins sans Stewie. "I need to go to the Macy's to try on a suit."

With that, Vinny went over to the Macy's, picked up his phone and called Brian.

"Hello?" Brian said on the other line, as the screen once again split to show him in the living room of the Flannigan residence on the left side of the screen.

"Hey, B," Vinny replied.

"Oh, Vinny," Brian said, smiling. "How are things with the Griffins?"

"They're going smoothly," Vinny answered. "Peter managed to convince Carter to bring the carnival back. However, today, while Stewie was on the mall Santa's lap, he said that he wanted to have you back."

Brian's expression changed to that of sadness.

"However, I couldn't say anything," Vinny continued, "just 'cause, you know, I'm still keeping my promise."

"Hmmm," Brian moaned. "I see."

"Anyway, I have an idea," Vinny continued. "I'll try to act like you for him."

"What?" Brian replied. "But Vinny, I don't know if that idea's going to work. I mean, we've been apart for many years that you don't know what I'm capable of. I usually ask for a dry martini at a bar, and I'm a politician. Plus, have you read my self-help novel, _Wish It. Want It. Do It._? It's a bestseller."

"Oh, yeah, I've read your book," Vinny answered. "I've written something a little similar called _Wish It. Want It. You Blew It._ It may not be much, but it'll at least help the reader get better."

"You're not rivaling my novel, are you?" Brian asked, confused.

"No," Vinny shook his head. "Anyway, I hope my acting like you will try to cheer him up."

"Well, okay," Brian sighed. "Anyway, I'm going to the hospital in a few minutes to check on Tracy. The doctor said that she'll regain consciousness within the week."

Vinny chuckled in gesture. "I guess this means that Stewie will get his wish then, right?"

"I dunno, Vin," Brian replied, unsure, "but we'll see. Thanks for calling."

"You're welcome, B. Talk to you later."

With that, both dogs hung up. The screen expanded to show Vinny's side, as he began to address Bruce, who was an assistant there.

"I'm here to find a fancy suit and a pair of glasses, please."

* * *

Later that night, Brian spent another visit at the Hospital, like he said he would. He prayed near Tracy's bed, hoping that she would recover.

 _"Oh, Tracy,"_ he thought. _"Please, wake up. Dylan needs you."_

A few minutes had passed, and Tracy slowly regained consciousness, opening her eyes for the first time in several months. She groaned, placing a hand on her head.

"Where the hell _am_ I?" she asked herself before noticing Brian. "Brian? Is that you?"

Brian's attention turned to her, and he was surprised and happy.

"Tracy," he whispered. "You're awake! Oh, Dylan was so worried about you." With that, he gave her a hug.

"What happened?" Tracy asked.

"You were in a coma, as a result of a car crash, several months ago," Brian answered, a tear falling from his eye. "The person who caused that crash, an old man named Leo, died some time after. But you were knocked into a state of unconsciousness that resulted in a coma. Oh, Tracy."

"Brian," Tracy began, "what time is it now?"

"It's almost Christmas," Brian answered. "Wait until Dylan hears about this. I...I took care of him for you while you were out."

"Do your owners know about this?" Tracy asked.

Brian shook his head. "They think I'm dead. Most of Quahog did. I did what I did so I could be with Dylan."

"Oh, Brian," Tracy understood with a smile. She then hugged him back.


	15. Second Chances and a Miracle

_The Secret Life of Brian_

by LDEJRuff

Chapter 15 - Second Chances and a Miracle

* * *

One hour later, still at the Hospital, while Dylan was still in the waiting area, he saw both his parents exit out of the room. He was overjoyed when he saw his mother awake.

"Mom!" he whispered. "It's so good to see that you're on your feet again."

With that, he gave his mother a hug.

"It's good to see you, too, Dylan," she replied, hugging him back. "I hope your father took great care of you."

"He did, Mom," Dylan replied back. "He did."

Brian sighed, smiling when he saw both mother and son together once again.

* * *

The next day at the Flannigan house, it was right after breakfast when Dylan made an announcement.

"Dad," he began, "now that Mom and I are back together under the same household, I...I think it's about time you returned home to _your_ family."

"But Dylan," Brian replied, "most of the city of Quahog still thinks I'm dead, and I would rather keep it that way, and..."

"Brain," Tracy halted, "I think Dylan's right. You took care of my son while I wasn't around, and I think what he said is for the best."

"If it hadn't been for you, Dad," Dylan added, "I would've missed so many school days, and Disney Channel fans would've been disappointed to see that I was missing on the set of _Parent Boppers_."

"Besides," Tracy added, "I bet that returning to the Griffins would be a miracle to them if they saw you alive."

What Tracy said reminded Brian of the phone conversation he had with Vinny and Jasper a few months ago. He sighed then.

"I guess you're right," he said. "Miracles _do_ bound to happen. All right," he whispered. "I'm gonna let the Rite Aid know that I quit."

"I'll tell them," Dylan replied. "And, by the way, Dad, I have something for you."

With that, he gave his father a small gift box.

"What's that?" Brian asked.

"It's my Christmas present to you," Dylan answered. "Do not open until Christmas."

Brian shed tears of joy. "Thanks, Dylan. If only _I'd_ gotten a present for _you_..."

"That's okay, Dad," Dylan replied, eyeing his mother then. "I've already gotten one."

"Oh, Tracy, Dylan, this has been the most wonderful Christmas I've spent with you. I love you both."

"I love you, too, Brian," Tracy replied.

"Me, too, Dad," Dylan added. "Thanks for taking such good care of me. Goodbye, Dad," he continued, giving his father a hug, "and Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you, Dylan," Brian replied.

Both Tracy and Dylan watched as Brian drove off in his Prius, on his way back to Quahog...and to the Griffins.

* * *

Later that day, Brian pulled into the Griffins' driveway. He was back home where he belonged. He got out of the car and knocked on the door. Lois opened it from the inside, and gasped in surprise.

"Oh, my God," she whispered, smiling.

"What's going on, Lois?" Peter asked, coming to her with Meg and Chris. "What the hell happened?"

Lois turned to her husband and two older children, still wearing her overjoyed smile.

"It's Brian," she said, shedding tears of joy. "He's alive!"

With that, Brian walked inside the door, happy to see his then-confused family.

"Brian?" Meg repeated.

"Alive?" Chris repeated.

"But how in the hell could this happen?" Peter shrugged. "We all saw him die at the vet several months ago."

"Yes, it's true," Brian replied. "But I figured that a miracle was bound to happen, you know, like in _One Magic Christmas_."

 **Cutaway:** We see the film's main character, Ginny Grainger, overjoyed one night on the sidewalk to see her husband, Jack, alive and well.

"Oh, Jack," she said, hugging him. "It's so good to see that you're okay."

"What are you talking about, Ginny?" Jack asked, confused. "I haven't gone anywhere. I just went out for a walk."

"It doesn't matter, Jack," Ginny replied. "All that matters is that I'm in the spirit of Christmas."

Back to the living room.

"Anyway," Brian began, "where's Stewie? Isn't he with you guys?"

"Oh," Lois replied, not knowing what to say at first, "we've got something to tell you, Brian. One month, after you died, we went ahead and..."

"Found another dog named Vinny," Brian interrupted. "Yeah, I knew what you were going to say, Lois."

"Wait, how'd you know about Vinny?" Peter shrugged again.

"Because...Vinny...is my brother."

"Your brother?" Peter, Lois, Meg and Chris repeated.

"Oh, that reminds me," Brian continued. "I've got to let him know I'm back."

With that, he got his phone out and started to call Vinny.

"Anyway," Lois began, "it's so good to have you back, Brian."

"Welcome home, buddy," Peter added.

Peter, Lois, Meg and Chris gave their dog a welcome-home hug. Brian couldn't help but feel happy for them.

"Thank you, guys," he said, shedding tears of joy. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to let my brother know."

* * *

Around the same time at the mall, in the "Employees Only" section of the toy store, Stewie gave Vinny a pat on the head, with his retrieved time machine return pad in the other hand.

"Good dog, Vinny," he said. "Good dog."

Vinny turned his attention up above.

"Georgette," he began, walking out of the section then, "I'm coming home!"

As he went on walking, his phone vibrated. It was Brian.

"Brian?"

The screen split to show Brian in the living room on the right side of the screen.

"Hey, Vin," he answered. "I got some good news. I came back to the Griffins as a miracle."

"That ain't good news at all," Vinny feared.

"What do you mean?"

"Well," Vinny began, "I just helped Stewie sorta 'borrow' the time machine return pad from his past self so that he could prevent you from faking your own death."

"Uh-oh," Brian feared. "If he succeeds, then scientifically, this timeline will cease to exist, and _us_ with it!"

Then, there was a flash of light. When the light subsided, both dogs found themselves sitting down in seemingly-identical rooms, and Brian's phone was no longer in his paw.

"My phone!" he shouted.

"Brian?" Vinny asked, getting his attention.

"Vinny?" Brian asked. The split bar rose to show that they were in the front seats of Justin's Benz, sitting next to each other.

"What are _you_ doing here?" they asked each other.

 _"Okay, Brian,"_ Stewie's voice said from Brian's phone, which was back next to the steering wheel, as it got both dogs' attentions. _"I'm just putting this out there, but I'm a baby, and only dicks don't let babies win."_

"Wait a minute," Brian realized, "this is the day that I faked my death. And I'm back inside Justin Bieber's Benz."

"Justin Bieber?" Vinny repeated. "That Canadian pop star?"

"Yeah."

"Brian," Vinny began, "you don't think that we were sent back in time somehow, do you?"

"If that's the case, and I'm back in the driver's seat of the Benz, then I feel like I'm going through this phase all over again."

"You mean...?"

"Yeah, that."

 _"Oh, wait,"_ Stewie realized. _"_ _I got to go grab my knee pads. I was using them for...for...for this other thing. Anyway, I'll be right back."_

"Well," Brian sighed, "here we go again."

Brian started the Benz, which caressed toward his unsuspecting clone, who was wearing his hockey helmet. As before, he had a sad look on his face. However, Vinny noticed something.

"Uh, Brian?"

 _"Brian, look out!"_ Stewie's voice shouted, as the camera feed had shown Cleveland's old house getting closer.

Suddenly, there was a thud as if it came from something plastic. Throughout this, Brian's sad expression gave way to one of confusion. The screen then split to show Brian's now-saved clone on the right side of the screen.

"What the hell?" both Brians said, surprised and confused.

 _"You're alive, my friend!"_ Stewie exclaimed, overjoyed. Brian saw that he was suddenly wearing a blue coat over his yellow shirt and red overalls. Stewie then gave the clone a hug.

 _"What?"_ Clone Brian began, as the feed now showed the Benz driving far off and turning again. _"Of course I'm alive. What the hell's going on here?"_

"Yeah," Brian agreed to Vinny. "What the hell's going on here?"

"It's okay, Brian," Vinny assured. "That Stewie's from the same timeline _we_ were. He just saved that other you's life."

"Yes, that's true," Brian nodded, "but he also ruined my fake death. Now I'll have to start all over again."

"Actually," New Brian said, suddenly appearing behind the two dogs, "you _don't_ have to."

"New Brian?" Brian replied. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"Yeah," Vinny added. "Ain't you supposed to be dead? It was implied, when I saw your episode on that DVD, that Stewie killed you after you humped Rupert."

"That's true, Vinny," New Brian nodded. "But Death sent me here to give both of you guys a second chance."

"A second chance?" Brian and Vinny repeated, confused.

* * *

Both Stewie and the clone were near the open front door of the house. Clone Brian was relieved then. Stewie was still unaware that the Brian he was talking to, and that he just saved, was just a clone.

"Wow, Stewie," Clone Brian whispered. "Thank you for saving my life. You know, a lot of other families would've just gotten a different dog and moved on."

"Oh," Stewie began, rather guilty, "oh, we could...we could never do something like that, Brian."

Just then, Stewie started to fade away.

"Stewie," Clone Brian began, noticing, "wh...what's happening to you?"

Stewie began to notice, and suddenly realized.

"I think," he began, "my timeline is being erased. The timeline where you died no longer exists. Exists. Exists." He fake echoed those last two "exists" after he was completely out of sight.

"Stewie!" Clone Brian called.

The baby suddenly then reappeared, but still transparent.

"I just did that for effect," he joked. "There's no science reason for the echo. I...I just wanted to go out on a joke." He accepted his fate then. "Merry Christmas, Brian." With that, he faded out of existence.

Before the other Stewie, which would be the main Stewie this story's talking about later, would go outside, time had suddenly stopped, except Clone Brian's sense of time did not.

"Wh...what?" Clone Brian noticed.

"Hey there, clone me," Brian greeted, coming in with New Brian and Vinny, and getting the clone's attention. New Brian had carried Death's scythe.

"Brian?" Clone Brian said, puzzled. "What are _you_ doing here? Aren't you supposed to be with Dylan?"

"I _was_ with Dylan," Brian answered. "I had to go through several months taking care of him. Tracy was in a coma as a result of a car accident that claimed Vinny's owner's life."

"Vinny?" Clone Brian repeated. "Is that why he and New Brian are with you?"

"Yeah," Vinny answered.

"Wait, what's New Brian doing here? Isn't he supposed to be dead?"

"I _am_ dead, Clone Brian," New Brian answered. "But Death has let me live for a few minutes to give you all a second chance. And _yours_ , Clone Brian, is to prevent that accident so Vinny won't have to lose Leo again."

"You mean," Vinny began, "I can get to spend all those months again to be with my previous owner?"

"And _I_ can get to spend all those months again to be with the Griffins?" Brian added.

"Yup," New Brian answered.

"Well," Clone Brian sighed, smiling sadly, "if that's going to be my destiny, then so be it. Here," he continued, handing his original counterpart the hockey helmet. "I think you're going to need this more than _I_ do, original me."

Brian chuckled. "Thanks." With that, he put the helmet on.

"Well, time's a wasting," New Brian said. "Don't you want to say goodbye to Vinny, Brian?"

"Yeah," Brian replied. Turning to his little brother, he continued, "Vinny, I don't know how to tell you this, but thank you for taking good care of the Griffins for me."

"And thank you for giving me a home when I had no home to go to, Brian," Vinny replied.

Both brothers gave each other a hug.

"You take good care of yourself, Vin," Brian whispered. "I hope we can see each other again sometime. Merry Christmas, little brother."

"Merry Christmas to you, B," Vinny replied. "Goodbye, big brother. Welcome home."

With that, both Brian and Vinny then let go of each other. New Brian tapped the scythe to the ground, and in a flash, he, Clone Brian and Vinny vanished, leaving a small bug-sized camera, which was left on Clone Brian's nose, behind. Time then went on again, and Stewie saw Brian on the walkway, carrying another hockey stick and unaware of what was going on.

"Hey, who were you talking to out here?" Stewie asked.

Brian had a little time to think. A second later, he answered, with a smile on his face, "A pretty awesome guy."

"Oh, 'pretty awesome guy,'" Stewie repeated, walking to his canine friend. "Why don't you marry him, huh?" Stewie then placed an end of the stick under Brian. "All right, game on!"

With that, Stewie raised the end up and rammed it into Brian's groin. The dog then writhed in pain. Stewie then emulated a cheering crowd and ran around Brian.

"Stew-S-A! Stew-S-A! Stew-S-A!"

Rather smiling, Brian thought to himself, despite the pain, _"Oh, it's good to be home."_


	16. Vinny's Letter and Dylan's Present

_The Secret Life of Brain_

by LDEJRuff

The Last Chapter - Vinny's Letter and Dylan's Present

* * *

Sometime later, Brian had managed to return Justin's Benz, like he did before, and with his second chance, he had to spend all those several months once again, this time, with the Griffins. Because the accident that claimed Leo's life, and caused Tracy to go into a coma, had been undone, time had rewritten itself. Vinny had never lost Leo, and had to go through those several months once again with _his_ second chance, this time, with Leo in the tiny apartment. As for Tracy, who was never comatose, she had to spend time with her son, even if it meant having to take him to school and to work.

Within several months' time, Brian had spent his second chance with the Griffins when they went on a trip to Italy, even though Peter tried to legalize himself and the rest of the family as an Italian family. He was also caught in a friendship triangle between Stewie and Rupert when Stewie regained a friend in his first teddy bear, Oscar. He also participated in a city-wide treasure hunt for an expired coupon. He even met Peter's vestigial twin, Chip, and, along with the family, tried to like him better than they did Peter. And, when Meg had to deal with school bully Michael Pulaski, he taught Peter a lesson he would never forget.

* * *

Finally, Christmas had come, and while the Griffins were opening their presents, Brian had handed one to Stewie. It was a thin gift box.

"Here you go, Stewie. Merry Christmas."

Stewie opened the gift and saw that it was a picture frame, with a photo of Brian in a Santa hat and Stewie in an elf costume, posing. Below the photo was a gold plate with the words "Friends forever" engraved.

"Brian, it's," Stewie began to say in awe, "it's wonderful. Thank you."

"Well, you gave me the greatest gift of all," Brian replied, thinking about what Stewie did for his now-non-existent clone. "I'll tell you about it sometime."

"Brian," Stewie began, rather puzzled. "Are we pregnant?"

"What? No, Stewie, it's _nothing_ like that."

"Okay. Well, I have to tell you, I'm a little bit relieved."

"Look, just...just...Thanks for everything, Stewie. You're my best friend, and I love you."

"All I can say, Brian, is," Stewie began, rather serious, "you've been making really creepy eye contact with me all morning, and I want it to stop right now."

"Oh, Brian," Peter began, "you have a letter from someone named Vinny."

Brian's tail started wagging.

"Vinny?" Stewie repeated. "Who's this Vinny character?"

"Hmmm?" Brian began before realizing he hadn't told Stewie about him. "Oh. He's, uh, he's a brother of mine. I'll let you meet him one day."

Brian opened the letter and started reading.

 _Dear Brian,_

 _Thanks to this second chance that I've been given, I had to spend all those several months again, this time, with my owner, Leo. Anyway, thanks again for giving me a home to live in. As you said before, I hope we can meet again someday._

 _Your brother,_

 _Vinny_

 _P.S.: Merry Christmas._

Throughout the progression of reading Vinny's letter, Brian smiled contently. He then looked at the window.

 _"Merry Christmas to you, Vinny,"_ he thought.

* * *

Later that day, Brian quickly remembered the small gift box Dylan gave him before he left the Flannigan house. New Brian thought it best if Brian would keep this gift. Brian opened the gift box and saw that it was a 16GB flash drive. Taped to the drive was a note that said "Play me". Brian did what the note said after inserting the drive into his laptop. In the folder was a video file. Brian played it and saw that it was of Dylan and Tracy.

 _"Hey, Dad,"_ Dylan greeted. _"I hope you enjoy this video gift that Mom and I made for you. Anyway, thanks for watching over her when she was comatose, and for taking care of me when I needed help the most. No matter what anyone says, we will always love you. Merry Christmas, Dad."_ With that Dylan gave a thumb up before the video stopped.

Brian chuckled. "Thank you, Dylan," Brian replied. "Merry Christmas to you."

* * *

 _In Loving Memory_

 _Trouble Campbell_

 _2000-2016_

* * *

The End

* * *

Author's Note: Yeah, all those sentences near the beginning of the last chapter were callbacks to the first five episodes of Season 12. I just thought that the timelines of those episodes would be placed after Stewie had saved Brian, and before that Christmas scene at the end of "Christmas Guy". Thanks for reading this fanfic. Hope you all liked it.


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